Monday, October 8, 2007
. . . .
I'm really depressed right now. If ever you are reading this post, I kindly ask for you to pray for me. I feel so desperate. My world, it's falling apart, I'm losing my grip, and I think I can't go on. A thought like this somehow crossed my mind last night, and this was what actually I've said to my mother.
"If I were not a Christian. I probably have committed suicide. I could've been already one of those so-called EMO's. Knowing the fact that I am already losing self esteem, I guess, if I were not a Christian, I could have already died."
I cried myself to sleep last night. I just don't wanna mention every specific detail about what's going on in my life right now, but to elaborate it, my world, is completely a disaster right now. Everything is a mess. My only hope is Jesus. My only hope is my faith. I know people might see me with a huge grin on my face when I'm outside, but when I'm alone and I'm with my God, I easily breakdown and cry and whisper those heartbreaking words to Him.
I don't know, and forgive me, but right now, I really need time for myself. I've been busy, I've been thinking about my stories, I've been thinking about things to update and stuffs to put in order to set up a great plot for my stories. And I have thought about giving up my writing skill, I've thought about following God's will. I don't really know, nor sure about it, but I trust my human instinct.
I guess writing have really set me apart from God, it have actually set off a big, huge, && an unbreakable wall between me and my relationship with God. I've put almost all my effort in this writing thing, and I've given my time to it, but less to God and to my studies although I actually go to church and attend practices and fellowships every time. I just feel the fire when I am there, but when I'm already home, I just turn on my laptop and do some updates.
I don't know why, but I've been focusing so much on writing these times. I've been dreaming to become a famous author someday, which I do not know, if it could somehow come true or not. I don't know if it's God's will, but if I really need to give it up, I guess, somehow I could think it over, and just let go of it.
"If I were not a Christian. I probably have committed suicide. I could've been already one of those so-called EMO's. Knowing the fact that I am already losing self esteem, I guess, if I were not a Christian, I could have already died."
I cried myself to sleep last night. I just don't wanna mention every specific detail about what's going on in my life right now, but to elaborate it, my world, is completely a disaster right now. Everything is a mess. My only hope is Jesus. My only hope is my faith. I know people might see me with a huge grin on my face when I'm outside, but when I'm alone and I'm with my God, I easily breakdown and cry and whisper those heartbreaking words to Him.
I don't know, and forgive me, but right now, I really need time for myself. I've been busy, I've been thinking about my stories, I've been thinking about things to update and stuffs to put in order to set up a great plot for my stories. And I have thought about giving up my writing skill, I've thought about following God's will. I don't really know, nor sure about it, but I trust my human instinct.
I guess writing have really set me apart from God, it have actually set off a big, huge, && an unbreakable wall between me and my relationship with God. I've put almost all my effort in this writing thing, and I've given my time to it, but less to God and to my studies although I actually go to church and attend practices and fellowships every time. I just feel the fire when I am there, but when I'm already home, I just turn on my laptop and do some updates.
I don't know why, but I've been focusing so much on writing these times. I've been dreaming to become a famous author someday, which I do not know, if it could somehow come true or not. I don't know if it's God's will, but if I really need to give it up, I guess, somehow I could think it over, and just let go of it.
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]